I'm curious: Would you choose a surgeon to operate on you without first finding out about his/her track record?
If you wouldn't let someone unqualified to physically open up your heart, wouldn't you also put some effort into protecting your heart emotionally with the same care?
If you're wondering where I'm going with this, well....
Friends: If you are going to be asking someone for DATING advice, learning from them or hiring them to coach you through the process, save yourself a great deal of disappointment and heartache by finding out beforehand what makes them qualified to give you a piece of their mind.
Here's a few concrete guidelines to point you in the right direction:
1. ASK the person IF and HOW they have learned that their particular understanding of ---- and way of educating about --- dating, is both accurate and effective. Wouldn't it be great to know their answers to this BEFORE you put your heart (or your money... or your time... ) in their hands?
2. ASK yourself: Does this person's understanding of dating seem deep, or superficial? Not sure?
3. ASK them: What is YOUR understanding of MY dating experience? And then Listen. To. Their. Answer. Pay attention to whether or not they are attuned to the challenges that you are facing, as opposed to an abstract idea of what they think it probably-feels-like-to-be-single.
Thank G-d we live in a generation which (unlike previous ones) has access to a VAST amount of research and incredibly broad scope of knowledge. We know about so much in the area of science... and love... and even WHAT SCIENCE SAYS ABOUT LOVE!!
I say all of this because I want YOU to have the best chance possible to have the greatest relationship you possibly can. And also because, when it comes to knowledge and personal growth, the reality is this:
Sometimes things sound nice, but they aren't so true.
Sometimes the TRUTHS we learn are uncomfortable or inconvenient.
Sometimes they are counter-intuitive.
Sometimes they contradict our previous understanding of things.
Sometimes they don't sound fluffy or fuzzy or pretty.
Sometimes they don't sound charismatic or funny.
The truth about your dating won't feel like criticism, but it also won't necessarily sound like a football game cheer, either.... because it transcends all of that to enter your being with a new kind of wisdom and hope that simply can't be branded as either of those things.
But have no fear of what feels new and unfamiliar:
I've learned that because it is real, truth finds its very own unique way of opening your heart in the most beautiful, fulfilling, meaningful ways. While it may have been a stranger before, once it's within you, it's here to stay.
And it will ALWAYS take you to where you need to be :-)
P.S. This is NOT about how many degrees a person has collected, but rather, about their credibility. The two are not synonymous!