So, I’m back from my [unintentional] hiatus from blogging.
It’s not that I haven’t thought about blogging topics over the past several weeks, or that I don’t have lots [read:way too many ideas] to write about. Actually, sometimes I feel that there are so many critical topics to write about when it comes to dating that it just feels too overwhelming for me to put pen-to-paper, (hands to laptop?) so to speak.
What tends to overwhelm me the most, as I speak to my dating coaching clients throughout my days and weeks, is the amount of self-criticism I hear from all these amazing single men and women around the country when they initially contact me for help. As if confessing a slew of potential wrongdoings or mis-steps, they blame themselves---and quite unforgivingly---for their relationship history, and for their current unmarried status. “What’s wrong with me?” they ask, expecting I’ll then critique what I’ve heard about their dating, or will validate their negative self-perception.
Most are surprised by my response.
You see, when you’re used to being met with a barrage of criticism (from friends, family, matchmakers, and yes---even many self-proclaimed “dating coaches”) for what you’ve done, said, or felt on a date, you continue to expect more of the same. And you may even hope, on some level, that the next piece of “advice” you get will inform you about some aspect of yourself that you didn’t know needs improvement, and that learning it will be the key to a brighter future.
Well, let me be (perhaps) the first to tell you this, my unmarried friends:
You are not a problem to be solved --- You are a gem to be discovered. Make sure the one you end up with deserves you.
Real relationships are not fashion statements, and when you’re fully present on your date, there are no “faux-pas.” Who you are right now isn’t just good enough ---- there’s truly no image you can learn to present on a date that will be better than the real you.
It’s time to start distancing yourself from those who make you feel less-than. Exposing yourself to their toxic energy is doing more damage to your dating than you may realize.
True healing from dating burn-out begins with taking a deeper look at your strengths, values and blindspots. It means rediscovering what you really want and what’s important to you. It’s about knowing where you want to be, and charting the course to get there.
If you’re ready for this empowering journey, I’m here to support you on it.
In the meantime, stay strong.
Hang in there.
You’re worth it.